This prayer was given to Mom by her hospice chaplain, Rev. Catherine Duncan. Mom attached it to her little caddy that sat on the table beside her chair. I remember them saying it together as Mom was gasping for air in her final days. It something I reflect on daily. It is a prayer I say for myself and when I do so, I think of Mom. Here it is:
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, ligh;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.
Monday, August 20, 2012
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Tonight I Hurt
We all experience things in our lives that hurt. Tonight, I hurt. It is when I hurt that I miss Mom the most. She was always a support. With a Scripture, a prayer and words of wisdom she comforted many, but she especially comforted her children. She is not here to help me with my hurt. To wrap me in her arms. To shed tears with me. To remind me that "this too shall pass." That is a lonely feeling. However, in keeping with her legacy Sara, my sister, gave me words of encouragement and the Scripture, Psalm 10. Here it is for you to read in the NIV version:
Psalm 10
1 Why, Lord, do you stand far off?
Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?
Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?
2 In his arrogance the wicked man hunts down the weak,
who are caught in the schemes he devises.
3 He boasts about the cravings of his heart;
he blesses the greedy and reviles the Lord.
4 In his pride the wicked man does not seek him;
in all his thoughts there is no room for God.
5 His ways are always prosperous;
your laws are rejected by[b] him;
he sneers at all his enemies.
6 He says to himself, “Nothing will ever shake me.”
He swears, “No one will ever do me harm.”
who are caught in the schemes he devises.
3 He boasts about the cravings of his heart;
he blesses the greedy and reviles the Lord.
4 In his pride the wicked man does not seek him;
in all his thoughts there is no room for God.
5 His ways are always prosperous;
your laws are rejected by[b] him;
he sneers at all his enemies.
6 He says to himself, “Nothing will ever shake me.”
He swears, “No one will ever do me harm.”
7 His mouth is full of lies and threats;
trouble and evil are under his tongue.
8 He lies in wait near the villages;
from ambush he murders the innocent.
His eyes watch in secret for his victims;
9 like a lion in cover he lies in wait.
He lies in wait to catch the helpless;
he catches the helpless and drags them off in his net.
10 His victims are crushed, they collapse;
they fall under his strength.
11 He says to himself, “God will never notice;
he covers his face and never sees.”
trouble and evil are under his tongue.
8 He lies in wait near the villages;
from ambush he murders the innocent.
His eyes watch in secret for his victims;
9 like a lion in cover he lies in wait.
He lies in wait to catch the helpless;
he catches the helpless and drags them off in his net.
10 His victims are crushed, they collapse;
they fall under his strength.
11 He says to himself, “God will never notice;
he covers his face and never sees.”
12 Arise, Lord! Lift up your hand, O God.
Do not forget the helpless.
13 Why does the wicked man revile God?
Why does he say to himself,
“He won’t call me to account”?
14 But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted;
you consider their grief and take it in hand.
The victims commit themselves to you;
you are the helper of the fatherless.
15 Break the arm of the wicked man;
call the evildoer to account for his wickedness
that would not otherwise be found out.
Do not forget the helpless.
13 Why does the wicked man revile God?
Why does he say to himself,
“He won’t call me to account”?
14 But you, God, see the trouble of the afflicted;
you consider their grief and take it in hand.
The victims commit themselves to you;
you are the helper of the fatherless.
15 Break the arm of the wicked man;
call the evildoer to account for his wickedness
that would not otherwise be found out.
16 The Lord is King for ever and ever;
the nations will perish from his land.
17 You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted;
you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,
18 defending the fatherless and the oppressed,
so that mere earthly mortals
will never again strike terror.
the nations will perish from his land.
17 You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted;
you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,
18 defending the fatherless and the oppressed,
so that mere earthly mortals
will never again strike terror.
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
When the door opens...
Mom was a person of faith. She sometimes did things that didn't make sense to anyone but her because she was following her path of faith. The journey that was uniquely hers. It is something I am learning how to do myself.
Yesterday, I was at lunch with a new-found friend who was explaining to me about a charity she founded some time ago. She explained how life had crept in, as it often does, and caused her good intentions to be put to rest, but suddenly and inexplicably this cause had come to the front of her mind and heart nagging to be looked at again. Obedient to the internal urge, she pulled this dream off the shelf and examined again. It is a tremendous project whose magnitude would cause some less innovative-types to explode with doubt. However, she prayed, "This is such a big project, God. I don't even know where to begin." Her answer came during her daily twenty mile bike ride. She was to sit down and make a list of the beginning steps, the start of her journey of faith. At the beginning of her list was to find an illustrator to make her logo.
It was my last day at a job that I knew I had to leave. Although it seemed to some strange that I would leave a job I seemed so particularly suited to, I had the strong internal urge telling me that it was a job that kept me from being who I really am and doing the creative things I do best. I fought the urge to leave for quite awhile, but when off for two weeks following surgery I could no longer ignore it. It was saying to me, "until you are obedient to your dreams, you will remain in this place of stasis and be unable to function in any capacity other than the requirements of this job." I, too, prayed, "This is such a big step; I don't really even know what I'm doing next!" The answer came, when you close this door by quitting you'll open the door to other possibilities. Putting in my notice was the start of my journey of faith. I worked my two weeks with people asking me what I was going to do. I said to them, "I'm going to take a break and, hopefully, go back to being who I really am and doing what I really love." My manager who didn't want me to leave kept pressing me about what I was going to do. I finally answered, "I don't know. When the door opens I'll walk through it. Then I will know."
On my last day, a customer who I helped many times before came to the department I worked in. She looked for me. I wasn't there. She found someone else to help her. I was downstairs saying good-bye to my colleagues and taking a quick break. I kept feeling like there was something important I needed to get back to upstairs, but I couldn't quite figure out what it was. I had been tying up any potential loose ends all day. I figured if I went back upstairs maybe I would remember or someone would say something to jog my memory. When I got there a colleague was trying to wrap up some alterations with a customer so she could go on her dinner break. I offered to take over so she could go ahead and eat. She took me up on the offer, but didn't know the name of the customer only that the customer had alterations that needed a rush and the tailor shop didn't think they could accommodate her. The door opened and I realized it was a customer I knew. I remarked that it was my last day and she remarked that she thought I was already gone. "Do you know of any good illustrators that could help me with a logo for my charity," she asked. I smiled. My best friend is an artist and I am meeting with another artist for a logo for something else this week. She tells me about her dream. I tell her that many of the things she needs, I know how to administrate. We talked and exchanged numbers and later had lunch. I have a new-found friend and a door that opened. I'm walking through it. I'll see where my faith journey takes me and on this journey I am certain one day I will know.
 |
| 239 Sussex Gardens |
Yesterday, I was at lunch with a new-found friend who was explaining to me about a charity she founded some time ago. She explained how life had crept in, as it often does, and caused her good intentions to be put to rest, but suddenly and inexplicably this cause had come to the front of her mind and heart nagging to be looked at again. Obedient to the internal urge, she pulled this dream off the shelf and examined again. It is a tremendous project whose magnitude would cause some less innovative-types to explode with doubt. However, she prayed, "This is such a big project, God. I don't even know where to begin." Her answer came during her daily twenty mile bike ride. She was to sit down and make a list of the beginning steps, the start of her journey of faith. At the beginning of her list was to find an illustrator to make her logo.
It was my last day at a job that I knew I had to leave. Although it seemed to some strange that I would leave a job I seemed so particularly suited to, I had the strong internal urge telling me that it was a job that kept me from being who I really am and doing the creative things I do best. I fought the urge to leave for quite awhile, but when off for two weeks following surgery I could no longer ignore it. It was saying to me, "until you are obedient to your dreams, you will remain in this place of stasis and be unable to function in any capacity other than the requirements of this job." I, too, prayed, "This is such a big step; I don't really even know what I'm doing next!" The answer came, when you close this door by quitting you'll open the door to other possibilities. Putting in my notice was the start of my journey of faith. I worked my two weeks with people asking me what I was going to do. I said to them, "I'm going to take a break and, hopefully, go back to being who I really am and doing what I really love." My manager who didn't want me to leave kept pressing me about what I was going to do. I finally answered, "I don't know. When the door opens I'll walk through it. Then I will know."
On my last day, a customer who I helped many times before came to the department I worked in. She looked for me. I wasn't there. She found someone else to help her. I was downstairs saying good-bye to my colleagues and taking a quick break. I kept feeling like there was something important I needed to get back to upstairs, but I couldn't quite figure out what it was. I had been tying up any potential loose ends all day. I figured if I went back upstairs maybe I would remember or someone would say something to jog my memory. When I got there a colleague was trying to wrap up some alterations with a customer so she could go on her dinner break. I offered to take over so she could go ahead and eat. She took me up on the offer, but didn't know the name of the customer only that the customer had alterations that needed a rush and the tailor shop didn't think they could accommodate her. The door opened and I realized it was a customer I knew. I remarked that it was my last day and she remarked that she thought I was already gone. "Do you know of any good illustrators that could help me with a logo for my charity," she asked. I smiled. My best friend is an artist and I am meeting with another artist for a logo for something else this week. She tells me about her dream. I tell her that many of the things she needs, I know how to administrate. We talked and exchanged numbers and later had lunch. I have a new-found friend and a door that opened. I'm walking through it. I'll see where my faith journey takes me and on this journey I am certain one day I will know.
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